i need an iv and a liver transplant
no, he came in my armpit
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
