im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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