I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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