If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
