Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
