he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize