I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
