Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
