1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
