the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
