I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
