he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
