4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
