I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
