Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
