and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
