how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
