i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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