"it" just moved
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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