I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
