Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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