i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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