That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
