Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
