Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
