If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
