One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
