If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
