I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
