k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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