just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
