Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
