To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
