okay pat passed out under dana's car
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
