I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
