so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
