So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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