Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize