where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
