Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize