woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
vagina is talking i cant
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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