Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We're too hungover to prance.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
