I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
