hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
