Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
