At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
