i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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