Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
