Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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