my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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