my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
