pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
