I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
