i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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