the condom got lost in my hair
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
