The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
