He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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