I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
