"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
