I smell stomach acid.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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