Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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