sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
