just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize