dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
