i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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