Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
