he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
