He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize