dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
